This episode is dedicated to one of our brothers, Paul Dunphy.
In this episode I give some updates and talk about loneliness.
Hey what's up, gentlemen, this is Rising Phoenix podcast podcast about how to rise up after divorce. I'm your host divorce coach, Michael Rhodes. Let's get into it. Hello, and welcome to the show. This is episode 107. Recording this pretty late, after midnight 12:10am To be exact on the 23rd of June. And I wanted to give some updates and cover at least one topic maybe maybe more, I don't know. Usually I like to be compelled to do solo episodes and compelled with a particular topic, but right now I'm compelled for for a few different reasons. One is to provide some type of an update. Realize that probably haven't done that in terms of where I'm at mentally and where I'm at. With all the things that I'm I'm trying to do and and what kind of direction I'm heading or any changes or anything of that nature. So but before I get to any of that stuff. I wanted to talk about a particular person. And I'm going to say his name on here and I don't typically typically do that for supporters or contributors or friends. But someone that was a supporter and attendee to have a lot of meetings early on. I think way back when we were doing zoom meetings when this thing kind of first started, Mr. Paul Dunphy is currently in the hospital and he's in the hospital because he has a brain tumor. I just got the news this evening. I don't know the prognosis. I have been able to talk with him. I can't see any more than that. I just don't know enough details. But he is a man that's a Navy veteran as as as am I and so we have that sort of bond. And, and of course, both going through a divorce and having children and I I was lucky enough to have met Paul, we had dinner one night him. Myself and his little boy. And I don't know, I just um you know, people say life is short, but I don't think life is short. Life can be short. But moments like divorce, make it feel like life is fucking long. But for sure, for sure. Life is fragile. And I don't I don't know. Prognosis. I didn't want to ask too much of him. He's he's he's in the hospital and he had an operation and he's not done yet. From what I understand and I don't think he would mind but from what I understand they removed 80% of the tumor. And there's more to be done and I just don't know enough details but I did tell him and he was excited to hear that this the next episode was going to be dedicated to him so this is for Paul and moments like these man it just it hits you and I can't articulate it. Probably it properly but this is the man I know this is a man that that I would consider a good man I do consider a good man, a Navy veteran, a father a brother in divorce and I just man these these moments are just I don't know. It's scary. For sure. Like this fragile, fellas, like this fragile. So this one's for him. And again, I don't I don't have much of a plan. To be quite honest with you. I just felt compelled. And I just moved in some kind of way and I I don't I don't know what way exactly I'm certainly there's some scariness there and you think about all, you know, I think, I think Paul's, he's late 40s. And I'm NID creeping up on late 40s. And my father passed away at 44. And there's just so much. I mean, Paul is not my best friend. I'm not, I'm not I don't know, it just, it just stops you and just it scares the fuck and show me quite honest with you. I don't want to die ever. I mean, I just don't. I hope that Elon Musk or somebody can figure this shit out, or we can just live forever. But obviously, we're not there yet. And dying scares the shit out of me. And seeing someone that, you know, has been through, you know, a lot, I would say. Divorce certainly is a lot. And, and again, he was an early participant in what I was doing, and an early supporter, and you know, he, he, he contributed, and I sent him a mug, he has a Rising Phoenix podcast mug, and it's just someone in my, in my tribe, that is, you know, going through something, and it scares the shit out of me. So I'm, I'm rambling a bit, but um, you know, I am not buying anything, I am not fake. And I'm sort of processing this in some ways. I found out earlier tonight. And I was out with a friend and I tried to put it on hold sort of the thought process of like, you know, obviously, I was like, you know, is there anything I can do? You know, he's like, friends and family got my back. Don't worry about it. But there's still a part of me going what what? I don't know. So, this, this one's for him in I also did want to provide sort of an update of where I'm at, I think it's probably pretty transparent, that, you know, there's a lot there's been some changes. So I guess I'll start with the Facebook group. That was Rising Phoenix podcast, that's the way that it started. And that is gone. It became the divorce men's network or divorce mints, Network page, or group sorry. And that is gone. And so is the website, divorce men's network. I don't really have any, I certainly don't have regrets. So I don't have any negative feelings around it. It didn't work. Quite frankly, I didn't see the need to, to pay a couple 100 bucks to keep the site running. It was time for its renewal. And I just didn't see the purpose because one of the purposes one of the main purposes was to bring people together and that's, that hasn't worked and that's for various reasons. And I'm not going to I'm not going to touch on it or talk about it other than to say that it didn't work and so that's why the web's website is gone. And it all podcast episodes going forward will be posted on my website. I mean, there are other obviously they're still out there. You're literally you're listening to this on either on YouTube or Spotify or dog catcher apparently is one man if you're if you're listening to this thing on dog catcher Can you just send me a message because I would love to know that I don't I don't think there's many of you there's a few of you I don't even know what the fuck that is. But it comes up on on Buzzsprout which post and it tells me where people listen or what apps or whatever that people listen through and that is one and I don't I didn't even know that was a fucking thing. So please do me that favor reach out and say Hey, bro, I listen to you on dog catcher. I'm the one I don't know if it's one or it's a small number for sure. The majority listens via Apple Music or Apple whatever the apple podcasts I guess whatever the fuck Apple calls it's it's stuff so so if you would if he could he would send me a message I'm just curious. So So but the episodes and transcripts will be posted on on my website rising thinks the worst coach.com The website for the podcast is still up and running Rising Phoenix podcast that's still there. That's I don't think that's gonna go anywhere. I don't think either of those two are gonna go anywhere. I tried something and it didn't work and that's okay.
i This is what I teach. Adam Grant is someone that if you guys are Facebook friends, you this is someone I've shared before and he talked about this not too long ago about you know, it's Quitting, I'm gonna paraphrase I'm gonna butcher this for fucking sure. But it's okay to quit essentially what he was saying it's not quitting if you can't just keep, again, paraphrasing, you can't beat your head, he definitely didn't say this, but this is the just can't beat your head against the wall and expect things to change. Like, if it's not working, it's not working, you can change course. It's not quitting, it's it's evaluating and determining that this isn't working. So let's try something else. So my focus going forward is is to find men that are willing to do the work. And that can be the work can be joining the discord server, it can be just listening to this podcast, it could be being part of the Facebook group, I just want to try and surround myself with those men because it is a struggle sometimes to do the work. But if you have people around you that are supportive, in that, that hold you accountable sometimes that help you with advice or point you in the direction of growth or whatever, that aren't just like, you know, just go bang chicks man or you know, let's go party or I mean, our own party and don't get me wrong, but as someone that just recently attended a dead and company show a fan of partying. But you know, that can't be you can't that can't be your answer to this pain. It can't be I don't want. I mean, it can be but I don't want you in my sphere in my life, if that's who you are, and that's fine, be who you are, I don't give a fuck. Honestly, I would prefer if the world was more like me and in terms of my appetite for growing and being independent and not being reliant on others for my happiness or my eye soothing or whatever. I'm looking for those types of people. And so that's what I'm trying to focus on. So the local groups that all of the local groups all the local Facebook groups, they're gone and and I'd given up my efforts to create sort of the a of of divorced men and that's my tried. There there are some others that are still interested in that and I in which, sorry, bro, I really thought it was even ion Bravo is jizyah. And I hope you don't mind him saying saying your last name. And I'm not going to edit it out because I'm too fucking lazy. Hopefully he doesn't mind. She had OB doesn't mind. He is sort of pick up the mantle a little bit, there's a map. And I guess I'll have to put this somewhere maybe in the show notes or something. I'm not going to put it on my website. If you go to the divorce men's divorce support for men group on Facebook. You can find it in there search search ions posts, and you can find it. It should be a pinned featured post but I'm not 100% sure if it isn't I'll try and dig it up. I got to do something with it anyway, just to make it a I guess the premium version or whatever the support from from folks from the discord making it a pay only option has given me a little bit of funds and and you know, I feel obligated to use that to further the cause. I am not going to do anything with that map in terms of running it or I mean, I don't think I'm gonna push it, talking about it right now. But I've given up that that that I don't want to say fight but that mission it's just it didn't work for me at this particular time in my life and maybe in the future to work maybe what I ended up trying to do I don't know. I'm trying to focus on men that want to do the work and how can I provide things for them to do that? And by the way, I'm doing it right alongside of them. So there's I think that's I think that covers all the changes so the Facebook group is gone the divorce men's network Facebook group they divorced men's Network website is gone. Local groups, local Facebook groups are gone. The discord servers now pay only and I haven't had a lot of pushback on that which I'm glad I don't think $5 A month is much to ask I am working on and I took a little bit of break from it but I did a lot of change in there to try and foster an area or a punch and st area a place that is for growth. I don't think that everyone that will come in will stick around. Some people may be asked to leave because they don't they're not a good fit. And that's okay. Not Not, not everything that I do is for everyone. My outlook isn't the same as everyone else's. I mean, everyone's different. And but I'm trying to find folks that are interested in growth not just getting laid, or just pretending like, this doesn't hurt or, I don't know, just, I guess kind of the opposite of me. Maybe, perhaps. And it's been good. You know, I'm I don't know the exact number. I think it's in the 40, roughly 40 men that have signed up and are contributing monthly, and I've tried to put that back. I've paid for a couple of bots have paid for some boosts in the server to make it better for video chats that happen, I think I still need to boost it again, is the Wednesday night meeting this last Wednesday night, it wasn't I don't know if it's my internet, or I don't know. So I may boost it a little bit more. And I'm constantly sort of, I shouldn't say constantly but I'm on the lookout for things to to put into that Discord server that foster growth that foster a community, a tribe. And that's what I've called a call it I'm calling it the Rising Phoenix podcast tribe. To build that tribe out to provide tools and, and camaraderie of like minded men, and camaraderie is something that I you know, I crave and miss and something that was a part of the United States Navy, that was a true brotherhood. And that's connection is one of my values learned from from my time in the Alpha code. And so I'm trying to foster that. And, and if you don't think it's worth $5 a month, that's cool. Aye. Aye, I don't care. I mean, I'm, I'm hopeful that people will but you know, it will take a whole fucking lot of people, for it to be a significant amount of money in my life to make a difference. And so it's not about money. It's more honestly about like, who is willing to pay. And if they are, then they're probably someone that belongs in a tribe. Not always, not always. But as Justin Dillahunty said, and I quote that man a lot, and I'm sure other folks have said this, but people that pay pay attention, and if you're gonna pay for something, hopefully you will participate in a way that makes it worthwhile for not only you, but for others so so I think that covers it. If you if you go to Rising Phoenix podcast.com You can get a link to Kofi K. Oh, Dash fyi.com I think it's Kofi Kayo dash fyi.com/rising Phoenix podcast I think. But if you go to Rising Phoenix podcast.com you'll see the link I used to call it warriors and that's still what it says Now I think on the on on the website, become a warrior click here type thing, but I'll probably maybe change it I'm not sure. But But that's where I'm at in terms of the things I'm doing the other thing that like I said I'm gonna post all the episodes on Rising Phoenix are Rising Phoenix divorce coach.com And so I'm using with that I'm using some automated software and things with WordPress the website to make everything automated, I bought some different plugins for my website and at this point, almost everything is it's pretty close to being completely automated when I upload an episode and and to Buzzsprout it the plugin that I have on my website searches for a new episode or gets notified I don't know how the bucket works, some kind of voodoo magic I guess it automatically creates a draft post on the website, I do have to upload the transcript and there is some some work there in terms of grading the transcript, which I'll probably address when my subscription to otter which does the transcriptions when that runs out. And I'll probably address it to make that automated as well but but then once it once I change it from a draft to a regular post then it posts to Facebook Instagram and the discord server so it's all good stuff. I appreciate the support so very, very much it does help it has helped to automate things which relieves pressure for me there's still some work to be done but it's coming a long way and I'm
advertising the discord server in the divorce support for men group once a week and I'm going to start advertising on a regular basis the probe my program forged by fire just pull I have signed 10 clients, and it's been going pretty well. I'm, I'm hopeful. And even if like never do it as a full time gig, I'm still able to help man. And there's no question that it helps men. And I will get back to doing episodes about program. I just there's a variety of reasons why I backed off from the podcast for a little bit. And I'll get to some of that, too. I do want to cover a particular topic, but I do want to cover some of this sort of news information type shit, I guess. So, you know, thank you to all of you. It has helped me to to automate a lot of this stuff. And I guess, I guess I'll transit is sort of like why? Why have I sort of taken a step back? Obviously, my mental health was suffering a little bit, and I'm doing I'm doing much better. I've made a lot of decisions that have alleviated a lot of stresses. I've asked for some help. Boy, I can't tell you how much that helped. I know as men, and we'd like to go it alone. And so I knew I mentioned earlier and Pete and Scott and Jaron and Chris, and Dan, and Ryan, are now helping me I'm not I should probably shouldn't have gave Biden's last name apologize. But hopefully he doesn't get pissed. The rest of my don't I don't know if they want me to say their last name, I think I think some of them would be okay with it. But But regardless, I'm not going to mention it without explicit permission. But they are now helping me run those those I believe it's seven total men are helping me run the divorce support for men Facebook group, and I cannot I cannot stress enough how much that has helped me. I can't tell you how much I love those men for helping me. I simply asked for help. And they answered the bell, answer the call. And I am fucking lucky and fortunate to have them. And it's not just the logistics of approving people and policing people. It's bouncing things off of them. Hey, guys, what do you think of this post? Is this guy, what do you think of this guy? What do you think of this? Comment, those types of things. It's been invaluable. It's been a complete and total one man show. And I had no buddy by choice, I guess I don't know, I had nobody really to bounce things off of a few people did help out. But then you know, they they have lives and you know, they, you know, things get, it just gets overwhelming and they take breaks. And that's okay, I would do it too. And but I would never really reach out and say, Hey, what do you guys think of this? What do you think of that, but now I am doing that. And they're doing it to vice versa. You know, they're watching the posts and requests. And they're like, what you think of this guy. And it's just, it's, it's such a good thing that have a community and a tribe. And, and I mentioned this in a live video about the significance of tribe and I talked about perhaps doing a solo episode, and I will, but it won't be today. But that it will be coming. Because I feel very strongly about not going through shit alone and building your tribe. It's so important. I mean, it was the outro to the podcast a long time ago. While if you go back and listen to episode one to fucking don't remember, it will give you the quote that I sort of stole and adapted a little bit. Find your tribe, man, it's so fucking important to find people that see the world the way that you do. It's so important for a variety of reasons. So, so thank you to those men. And you realize I'm a little bit all over the place, I apologize. I didn't take any notes or anything. I just wanted to, I felt compelled. And I just wanted to first, you know, talking about Paul, and then give an update on where I'm at and how I'm doing. And I still have some moments, I'm trying to change some things with my job and in terms of procedures and processes. And also mindset mindset is so huge. Instead of getting stressed out, I'm trying to let things go and take a better mindset to be mindful of where I'm at, to practice what I preach. These are things that I talk about in my program, you have to be aware of where you're at and what you're thinking, and then decide do I want to think like this to all want to behave like this? Do I want to have these feelings and it's you know, it's not always easy to change some of these things but but the first step is to be aware and I'm and I'm very aware, something wasn't working. So I'm trying some things I'm trying to make some changes. And it's you know, it's I haven't had a panic attack. I've had some panic. I was in Pittsburgh with my oldest daughter and we went to Science Center. And we watched a Taylor Swift laser show, which I'm not a huge Taylor Swift fan at all. I mean, it's kind of hot, but I had a little bit of a panic. Eric did very, very little. The lights went down, the doors closed. And I was like, oh, fuck, I had a little tiny bit of a panic. But I was good. I worked through it. I've been working with a therapist on that, and trying to use some techniques and some tools. And it's really it's centered around a lot of stuff that I teach, just never taught it around panic, I taught it around fight or flight. I mean, I guess PANIC IS is slight and a lot of ways, but I teach it more about like being distraught or angry, and not, not panicking, not not anxiety, but it still applies. And you know what the fucking answer is, drop into your fucking body, get out of your fucking head and get into your fucking body. Our brains cause more fucking problems than we know how to deal with. And and so so anyway, so I'm doing pretty well mentally, I still have some panicky and some overwhelm here and there. But I'm trying I'm idea. One of the things that I talked to my therapist about on Wednesday, was trying to implement meditation, at least twice a week, you know, just a small goal, like just twice a week, once when my my girls are here Monday and or Tuesday, and then one other time throughout the week. And I'm trying to do that. I haven't done it this week. But it only started yesterday. So I think that covers sort of, you know, what's been going on, it covers Paul covers what's been going on sort of some of the changes that I've been making, it covers kind of where I'm at mentally, I don't think there's anything there. I can say that, like I said about the score, it's pay only but I'm also I'm still working on adding things and changing things and making it a place that fosters growth that encourages growth that allows for people to express themselves and be surrounded by men that are supportive, and understanding. Because as any of you that know that listen, you can talk about your divorce to someone, a loved one until you're blue in the fucking face. But if they've never been through it, they just don't fucking get it. So it's really important to surround yourself with people that do get it and it's much more important, I think, to surround yourself with men that get it because they've been through it. So I think that covers all of the sort of, I don't want to say extracurriculars, but sort of I don't know, accessories ancillary. I don't know the fucking word. It's late, and I'm tired. But it covers some of the stuff that I guess, you know, ancillary perhaps, but important nonetheless. But I really wanted to talk about loneliness. I see it. So very much guys are always posting about how lonely they are. And, and I understand that I do you know, especially, you know, and all of these stories are dynamic and different. And, you know, I was with her for 10 years, and I was with him for two and I was with him for 24. And it's just, everything is different. And so, but but but when you're in your story, you believe that, you know, you're justified in your loneliness, but I was with him for four years, and some guys are going Yeah, wow was within 24. So at the end of the day, it doesn't fucking matter. You had an experience, a moment of time in your life and you're with someone and you're every moment. It wasn't with him. But it was was about them in some kind of way. Right? You know, you had dinner with them, you ate with them. If you were traveling somewhere for work, you're telling them where you're going, when you're coming home, in even a normal workday, and you're you're planning birthdays and gifts and Christmas and all these kinds of things. And all of a sudden, you're you have them not around, and it can be very lonely. It can absolutely be. But we have to I think it's important to get to a place where you're you're okay with being alone and you don't feel lonely when you're alone. And so, and I know, you know, oh, yeah, well, okay, how do you do that? Or that's it sounds easy or easier said than done and all that kind of shit. But I think the thing that you have to do is, is treat yourself like someone that you are dating, you know, if you read the book, single on purpose. If you if you consume a lot of shit that John Kim talks about, you know, I think even used to be a miserable fuck talks a lot about sort of dating yourself. You have to get comfortable with being alone. And you can't do that by sitting in your house, watching Netflix, you have to go out and experience the world by yourself in ways that you would have with someone else. I think that's the key and that's the answer. Take yourself to a nice fucking dinner. You know, you
want to go on a date and then spend spend a buttload of money and take someone off to a really nice place. take you out to a really nice place. Go to a movie by yourself. Start being comfortable in your own skin. You know, it's okay to be alone. It's You can be alone and not lonely, you can enjoy your own company. And in fact, I say, I think you should. Because if you can't do that, then again, you're susceptible. I say this all the time. And I don't want to be a broken record, but you're susceptible to taking whatever crumb comes your way. You're susceptible to taking and being in another relationship or being with another person that isn't healthy for you simply because you can't stand being alone. But if you never go out and do things by yourself, then you'll never be able to tolerate it. And I think it's a really important step. If you're lonely, go out and do things by yourself. Challenge yourself. Growth is hard. It's not easy. There were times when I would go out to a movie and I would feel like a fucking loser. But why am I a loser? Because I don't have anybody. What if I did have somebody and they didn't want to didn't like that movie? And I was like, Well, fuck it. I want to go see that movie. What about me? What about my knees? What about the things that I like? What is wrong with going to a movie or a restaurant or a bar? Or a concert by yourself? There's not a fucking thing wrong with it. And if you think that if you feel that, then push yourself to do these things. Take baby steps. Instead of going out to dinner with yourself go to the bar, sit there and have a drink. Don't get shit faced, obviously. And then next time maybe have an appetizer or whatever. progress not perfection you don't have to conquer the fucking Mount Everest on the first fucking attempt. You can you can you can climb up to the first summit and be like, You know what, this is pretty good for now. I'm gonna fucking go home. You don't have to, to win the fucking game. The day the ending the quarter. You can do a little bit at a time. It's not necessary to to conquer all of your fears. All of your your your things for lack of a better description. On the first shot, yeah, it's progress is Baby steps. Baby steps are still steps. Trying something and doing something and still doing something. If you sit around and expect things to change, I got it. What are y'all fuckin crazy. Like, it's nothing changes if nothing changes. And so if you're feeling lonely, challenge yourself to go do things by yourself that you would normally do with someone else. And I get that sometimes it's going to be uncomfortable and weird. And people might think, Oh, what's this? Fuck what people who gives a fuck? That people have their own shit. And more than likely they're not thinking any fucking thing because they're in their own head. When's the last time you went out and saw someone and wondered why they weren't in those shoes? What's wrong with him? Or why and this plate? You're not You're worried about your own self and most people are worried about their own selves too. And if they aren't, it's because they're fucking miserable and they can't deal with themselves. So they're looking for everyone else to make fun of or point fingers at or and so fuck them. Who the fuck are they? Who gives a fuck? Do you want to be okay? Then then put yourself in uncomfortable situations again, baby steps. Start small. Maybe you just walk into a fucking restaurant. Maybe Maybe you just walk up to the fucking door and then go fucking home. Baby steps is okay, it we don't have to fucking win the Superbowl in our rookie season. It's not necessary. And in fact, you fucking can't win it after the first game of the season or the first fucking quarter or the ninth or 12th or 17th Fucking quarter. So I'm gonna do the math. I don't know how many quarters that would take the one Super Bowl putt and you can't win all those quarters. It's okay to build that. That's that's the way anyway. So this is my challenge to you. If you're struggling with loneliness, then treat yourself the way that you want to treat someone else. Buy yourself something nice take yourself shopping take yourself to a nice dinner take yourself to a movie. Go play golf go to the driving range. Go bowling who gives a fuck? People are gonna stare who gives a fuck? Who are they to stare? Who What are they gonna? Who knows what they're thinking? Who fucking cares? If we are going to be beholden to other folks opinions, we're just going to sit in our mother's sit in our fucking houses for the rest of our lives. Because someone's going to find some reason to laugh at you or point fingers or think weird things because they're fucking miserable. There's so many fucking people walking around this fucking world that are just fucking miserable. And let them be fucking who cares? If you want to, to change if you want things to improve, you have to make changes you have to push yourself and I know that sucks. Nobody asked for this. None of us here that are listening. I don't think we didn't ask for this fucking bullshit. It's an unwelcomed bullshit opportunity, but it is an opportunity. Wouldn't it be awesome if you could go on a date with someone who you're super attracted to? But realize that you just don't fucking like her and be like, I am not. Thank you. This was very nice. Thank you very much. You know how good that make you feel. To be able to say no to something that deep in your soul, you know, is not good for you. Instead of just again, beating your fucking head up against the wall and expecting not to get a headache. Buck all that. What about us? What about what we want? What? What about what's important to us? And being able to reject things that aren't for us? Wouldn't that be fucking awesome? Wouldn't it be awesome? If you didn't feel like you had to please everyone constantly want to be awesome. And I'm not saying this isn't like a I mean, obviously, there's a component of it where it's like, Fuck everybody. That's a little bit there. Right? But I'm not saying don't be bitter. I'm not saying being bitter and angry. I'm saying just be so secure In your skin that you don't give a fuck. You have no fucks to give about someone who isn't yours who isn't compatible. Who isn't? doesn't check all of your boxes. Wouldn't that be better? Fuckin would be. You don't have to answer all fuckin answer for you. It would fucking be better. Is it hard to get to that place? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. Life's hard. It really fucking is. Is it better to have someone than to be alone? It's better to have a good someone. I would take being alone. And I've done it. I've rejected women that haven't been good for me. And I'm not saying they're bad women. They just weren't for me. And it makes me feel good to be like, You know what, I don't want to deal with this bullshit. I have self worth. Look at me standing up for myself and saying no, I'm good. I'd rather be alone. Now empowering. That is no. Awesome. That is the thing that you're worthy enough to say no to somebody that you find attractive or that you have the or that once you You understand what I'm saying? You know how empowering it is to stand up for yourself. It's fucking everything. It shows you that you matter that you have worth that you don't have to tolerate things that you don't, you don't have to. You're not starving. So you don't have to eat the fucking cheese off the mousetrap. You understand what I'm saying? You can you can pick and choose what you want. You have choices. You have options, and I get it. It's hard. You know, I'm I'm on dating apps and they can all go fuck themselves every single MOTHER FUCKA now apps, but I have the power to reject what's not for me. I mean, I'm fairly decent look, and I think and I get a hit up fairly often. Excuse me on these dating apps. Clearly, it's a stressful fucking thing. But I can say no. Because I have some self worth. Do I think that I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread? No, do I have struggles apps of fucking loosely, but I have enough self worth reject was not for me. And I got that by doing a lot of the stuff that I'm explaining to you by reading books like single on purpose and deciding that I'm important to I'm worthy. I'm a fucking human. I have breath. I breathe that therefore I'm worthy. I'm worthy of love. Buck what your ex said, What the fuck does she know? She fucking destroyed a family she ran out on you. She may be cheated on you. She lied to you. So her opinion is one that matters. Dump buck that and fuck her. What about my opinion of me and if my opinion of me sucks and I got some fucking work to do. And the work is to spend time with yourself to get comfortable with being alone to feel like you're worthy of being by yourself that you don't need someone to make you feel like you're a whole person. Because you don't? Is life better? Go back to this question. Is life better with a partner than it is alone? Yes, if it's a good partner, if it's a shitty partner, then fucking no rather be alone. So I think that's all that I have. I well, I should I should say I do want to touch on so what I'm struggling with, besides, you know, anxiety and stress and all this kind of shit, is that my job is obviously as you I think you will know I started a new job in November and it's a little bit more demanding and so scheduling podcast interviews is is really it really stresses me out I can feel just even talking about it. I can feel that fucking area right back here.
Right behind. Obviously if you're listening to this, you're like, What the fuck are you talking about? But if you're watching on YouTube, it's right behind. It's my my upper back right below my neck. I can feel that shit stressing me out and here's here's why. Man, I feel it's so difficult to schedule these, these interviews with other folks. Sometimes it's simpatico, and it works out really, really well. And sometimes it doesn't. And that stresses me out because I'm like, Well, what if? What if I scheduled this three weeks from now and but then a meeting pops up for work? Talk to I do. But I think I've settled on. I'm just going to schedule what I can in if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And it can because it happens. It's happened in the past, we're Oh shit, I got a thing. And I can't make that one. Can we reschedule that? Socks? I don't want to do that. But I can't. I really like interviewing people. And I can't put that on the back burner, because I'm afraid of how it might play out. If there's a conflict. I'll just fucking make it work one way or the other. And that might be canceling the interview and trying to reschedule. I will say that when you cancel interviews, it's really fucking hard to reschedule people, sometimes I don't know if they take it personal or if they're just like, a flake or I don't know what it is, but it can be harder. And so that's part of the stress like, oh, fuck, well, what if they, you know, that's also probably some sort of weird self esteem thing. What if they think I'm a flake? Or what if they think I'm an amateur, which I am a fucking amateur? Just to be quite frank. I mean, I'm, you know, just, I'm okay with that. I mean, my soccer basement. I mean, I enjoy what I do. And I think I think I am pretty fucking good at it. But But I can't, I can't worry about that. I can't let fear get in the way. And so going forward, probably not. For a little while yet. I'm still trying to get comfortable with that mindset of you know what, fuck it. I'll just schedule it. And let's see what happens. Coupled with vacations and trips, work trips. I do have a work trip. Next week, I'll be in Chicago, shout out to anyone that's in Chicago. And once you get together next week, feel free to hit me up. Especially if you listen on dog catcher. Or any buggin thing. I don't really care, but but I will be in Chicago next week. And then I guess what is it the 27th? or some shit? I don't know, for Monday, June. Whatever the fuck it is, until my flight is scheduled for Thursday morning. But I'll probably end up flying home Wednesday evening, but I'm not 100% Sure. So anyway, so if you're in Chicago wanna get together want to get together? Hit me up. I think you probably all have Rising Phoenix divorce coach at Gmail or Rising Phoenix podcast wearing 20 at gmail or if you're in the divorce support group, Michael Rhodes clearly says it at the beginning. Just hit me up. And so yeah, I will get back to I have a couple of really interesting folks that I've been talking with that I'm excited to get on the podcast. It's just a little bit frozen in fear of having panic and anxiety around the scheduling process and figuring it out and making sure I don't cancel and trying to coordinate with work and kids and all that kind of shit. So, but I am not done. I am not quitting. I fucking love doing this. I really do. I think that I don't I don't know that I'll ever be able to do this for a living and that's okay. I hope someday I think someday I'm just gonna fucking throw in the towel and be like, fuck it. I'm close enough to retirement I got some money in the bank. I'm just gonna fucking drive around the fucking country in an RV and interviewed divorce dudes and psychologist like it just that's what I'm gonna do. It's probably nine years from now. Maybe episode I don't fucking know 1000 or some shit. I would love to do this for a living. But unfortunately, my bills are very demanding and they need to be paid. So as are all of our so. So I think that's it. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out if you are interested in my coaching program. Hit the website, rising Pink's divorce coach.com and book a call and let's have a conversation. Maybe it's a good fit. Maybe it isn't. We won't know until we talk. So I guess that's it for now. Take care of yourselves and take care of each other. Thank you so much for watching and or listening. Since my separation in July of 2019 I have done an incredible amount of work on myself. I've had many different therapists, life coaches and went through different programs. I've taken all that I've learned and put it into my own program called forged by fire. If you are interested in having me help navigate your divorce, please hit my website Rising Phoenix divorce coach.com. I look forward to working with you
Unknown Speaker 44:50
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